August 10th the weather was rainy with little sign of clearing. I had
chosen the ideal spot beside a pond at a nearby conservation authority
for our 11:11 ceremony, which was to start at ten o'clock that evening.
I knew that the rain could not stop me from going ahead with my plans
for an outdoor gathering. I saw it as a test of our faith and commitment.
By the evening,
the rain had ceased and the skies had cleared. The stars seemed especially
bright. The candles that each one of the 23 participants had contributed
formed a circle around us, adding to the special feeling that this night
brought. During our opening circle, after each member had spoken, I
shared my vision of the Fourth Gate. I had embodied these energies for
several days prior to this event, so I spoke
from my personal experience.
What I remember,
above all, was the sheer joy of those days! I knew that the Fourth Gate
energies would allow us to shed the heaviness and feelings of duty and
burdens from the past to make way for the joy of self-creation. Everything
made me smile. Expressions to which I would have reacted with resistance
in the past because they were thoughts of limitation or judgment, made
me bubble with laughter. I just couldn't take those thoughts seriously
days I also communicated honestly, openly and from the heart. Despite
the intensity of the energy, rather than pulling me out of my physical
body, it grounded me more deeply to the Earth than I had ever been before.
I felt empowered in every way.
started our first dance, the Earth-Star, each member of our group announced
what they would like to release from their lives. As we made it our
intention to release such things as fear, judgment and separation, I
reminded everyone that what we chose to release on an individual basis,
we were also releasing as a group and for all of humanity. I chose the
role of Guardian for the Earth-Star Dance. Throughout our ceremony,
the transition of the Guardians flowed to perfection, as each knew instinctively
when it was their turn to serve in this way. As Guardian, there came
a time when the Earth Being meets the Star Being, that I was filled
with a terrible agony. A silent scream rose within me as this energy
Spiral dance followed. Then it was time to create our individual Dance
of the Four Directions. It was my feeling that this dance symbolized
the integration of the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies
as the One body of God. Although I had felt originally that we would
all be following the same steps, it was the consensus of the group to
dance their own unique dance as part of the whole. I was to see the
importance of this symbolism in what was to follow.This dance was creating
the space for us to all dance our own unique dance of life in equal
service to the One.
I soon sensed
a weariness in the group. Although I knew from personal experience that
this is often what is felt before a major breakthrough, I misinterpreted
the perfection of that moment to be the group's lack of focus and commitment
to the process.
together after the break, I shared the feeling of resistance I felt
and my belief that it was a detriment to the whole. During the past
month, I had been focusing on releasing beliefs of limitation from my
life. A dear friend asked me if this was not a thought of limitation.
I knew that it was. I felt the shame of having judged the role that
some of the group members were playing, just as I have judged the role
of certain members of society in the past.
Although I knew intellectually that we are all on this Earth playing
our own unique role to perfection, it was this incident that would integrate
this knowingness more firmly into my belief system. I owned the mirror
of resistance I was feeling, which I later recognized as my resistance
to loving myself fully just as I am, and told each member they must
choose what felt right to them. It was while we were seated in a circle,
as I came to these realizations, that the most powerful part of the
activation was felt. I knew it was our role to ground these energies.
It is the
ultimate act of faith to trust that all know and are doing exactly what
is right for them at the time. From this time on, although I did not
understand the reasons, I did understand the perfection of each group
member's actions. A few people left the group; some chose not to participate
at certain points and others felt the need to leave the central group
from time to time to focus on personal healing. I put my energy into
the leadership role I knew was right for me, which included holding
the vision of the love and perfection in all things.
a peace that enveloped us as we next danced the Lotus Dance. By the
time we had finished, tears had welled in my eyes. At break time, a
friend comforted me and listened as I shared the feelings that I had
let the group down.
I had made
it my intention to hold the vision of the perfection of all, knowing
each to be playing her or his perfect role in equal service to the whole.
Although I consciously knew that the role of judgment I played was perfect,
too, I was having difficulty forgiving myself for not having held this
focus. I was in a place of feeling ashamed, but not the shame that keeps
you walking in endless circles. I had allowed myself to feel what was
once hidden. I was experiencing the pain of all the times in the past
when others have judged me or when I have judged myself when I was doing
the best that I knew how to do. In allowing myself to feel my shame
in this way, I was opening to the potential for enormous personal growth.
I knew I would never be the same.
rejoined as a group, I shared with the others the difficulty I was having
accepting this part of myself that stood in judgment of the process
of others. For the first time since I was a child, I allowed myself
to cry in front of others. I had been taught to see tears as weakness,
but I knew that these tears I shed came from a strength and courage
I had rarely daccessed to this extent before.
for the love and support of the group, another first for me. The suggestion
of a group hug was interrupted by a counter-suggestion that I be allowed
to stand in my vulnerability. But this seemed like a distant voice of
the past that told me I did not deserve to be loved and would just have
to work things out by myself. What I really needed at that time was
to be comforted. The warmth and love of the group enveloped and healed
the Earth-Star Dance as our last dance, simply because it is my favourite
and, in our present state of evolvement, that seemed like the perfect
choice to make for the perfect reason.
circle was a sharing of our experiences. I felt our unity and a greater
willingness on the part of the participants to share of themselves than
at the beginning of the ceremony. It was approximately 6:00 a.m. The
energies had dissipated and I knew our task was done. It had been the
perfect evening in all ways.
day I struggled with the same feelings of self-judgment as I had felt
during the ceremony, at one point wanting to project my judgment onto
the others in the group. I wanted to justify my anger by pretending
it was deserved. But the feeling did not last long. It was just another
lie from the past surfacing to be recognized and released. The truth
is that we all deserve to be treated with love and respect, no matter
what choices we make. If we are to be the bearers of the message that
love and perfection exists in all things, we must know this truth of
you, Solara, for the opportunity to share this journey of the 11:11
with you. Bless you for the role of leadership that you play with such
courage and perseverance. With Love and Gratitude," .....Sandra