Solara's Personal Update

June 22, 2002: On the Brink

This is my third attempt at writing this Update. So many changes swirling around me; always so much to do. I write one thing and the next day it changes. Being caught in an ever shifting tempest, it continually throws me inward, back into my core...

How appropriate the strange problems with my feet, making walking difficult; sometimes it feels like I'm walking on broken glass-- making me carefully choose my movements. Letting go of much that is unnecessary, letting it fall through the cracks. Also letting go of what I used to think was important. Can't do that either...

Being enveloped in the Winds of Change, being constantly buffeted by them, has stripped my being. I feel naked and without artifice. I feel very real. Possibly too real....

Have you ever experienced those moments in your life when you know that you are poised on the brink of momentous change? You stand on the edge of your old world and prepare to leap into the Unknown. Or perhaps, we don't even leap; the old world simply falls away from us and we are propelled forward.

This is how it is for me right now. I'm poised on the precipice and ready to go over the edge. I know that my life is in the midst of tremendous upheaval and that at any moment nothing will be the same as it was before. The scenery will change; the people in my life will change; what I've been doing will change. I will change.

It's the time which I call the Sacred Pause. It's a precious time when we are in the midst of a great transition. We are neither Here nor There. It can be compared to going through entry gates. Ahead of you is a long corridor which leads to another set of doors. As you enter the first set of gates, it represents the "end of an era". You don't yet know the full scope of what you are leaving behind, but you know that it is vast.

I'm walking through that corridor right now. Ahead of me are the new set of doors. I feel that it will take me a few months to reach them. And I'm walking steadily towards them. With each step, I feel the scope of what I'm leaving behind. It's a sacred time full of poignant emotions and a deep gratitude.


I have been unbelievably busy throughout this period. Dealing with so many levels from the most practical to the vast. And I have been very quiet, having little energy to deal with anything outside my immediate sphere. Often, I feel like a juggler trying my best to keep my brightly colored balls aloft. This takes all my concentration and just when I'm getting into a rhythm and think I have things mastered, fifty more balls are thrown my way from myriad directions. Now, there are seemingly hundreds of them--- too many to count. Too many to think about. All I can do is keep my focus vast and not get upset when some balls inevitably fall onto the ground and bounce out of sight.

While I'm in the process of juggling, there's also a strong element present which could be best described as "fighting for my life". This element is even more important than the juggling. Deep within my being is a powerful conviction to break out of all my boxes, to completely liberate myself. This isn't just something which I want to do; it is something which I have to do. And I have to do it now.

This focus leads me ever forward out of my past. There's not even the slightest possibly of holding on or turning back. There's no viable past or old Self to return to. All around me, I feel the shell that enclosed me cracking open. Parts of it are continually dropping off, making me often feel awkward and uncomfortable--- neither here nor there--- not in the old and not yet in the New. I feel like one of those newborn birds who is just wrinkled skin and a few feathers sticking out at awkward angles. At this point, it really doesn't matter to me how I look or how uncomfortable I feel. I'm happy that the shell is falling away and know that soon enough my new feathers will grow although I have no idea what colors they will be. I'm just going for it with all I have and all that I am.


So how is this playing out in my life?

In April, I went to northern Thailand with my daughter Nova to make arrangements for the 5th Gate Activation. We organized the hotels, meals and activities, but didn't find the right site to hold the Activation. Thailand is very beautiful, but there is much going on below the surface which made me question the appropriateness of having 5th Gate there. So it may well move to Hawaii. I will know for sure by the middle of July.

If you are called to attend the 5th Gate Master Cylinder, which is always an amazing experience, start saving your travel money and clear parts of October. The 5th Gate Activation will take place either on October 19 or 27. The Master Cylinder gathering will be for more than a week, probably closer to 11 days, so we can properly prepare for this powerful Gate of Personal Freedom. As always, I am hoping for a strong, dedicated group of people to participate.

The energy of 5th Gate is very different than the previous Gates. I'm learning that the process of discovering the place and date for it is done in a new way. The old considerations have changed. Everything about the 5th Gate focuses on the keynote of Personal Freedom, even in the preparation stages. It will be quite a celebration.

My feet have still not recovered, although they did get a bit better when I first returned from Thailand. I have recently tried numerous things including visits to a naturepath and acupuncturist. Everyone remarks that they have never seen anything like it. I have tried many of the helpful suggestions which you have emailed me. What my feet like most is being immersed in water. Whenever new fissures open up, it's very painful to walk. I still wonder if this condition is caused by the microwave antennas on the hill above me. Or perhaps, it is part of the process of learning to walk in this world in a totally new way. It will be interesting to see what is happening when they get healthy again.

In a few days, my daughter Elara is coming to collect my books and other products and take them with her to New Mexico. She will take over the sending of orders and the formatting of translations for the website, as well as my remaining cat which will free me considerably. I feel another physical move coming for me soon, probably in August, so I have packing to do, as soon as I find my new location somewhere near water.

My friend Omashar, the musician that I have worked with off and on for years, is also coming here next week from England. He's going to help me make my move. I will be away traveling for the first two weeks of July.

And someone has kindly offered to help redesign this website. All of this combined with the support of those dear ones who are starting to become NVisible Sponsors, (Thank You!) make me feel very hopeful about the future.

I feel an overwhelming pull to focus on more creative pursuits. I want to finish rewriting "The Legend of Altazar". I haven't been able to write on it since March and the old edition has been out of print for months. So far, everything I have written on it is totally new. It will have a very expanded story in Lemuria and there are already several new characters. (Interestingly, my book printing company whom I have worked with since 1989 has just gone out of business, necessitating another change.)

After the new, expanded "Altazar" is finished, I plan to finally write the sequel to "EL*AN*RA" whose story is already starting to come to me. And I have several Buddha sculptures to paint when I have the time and space. After my feet recover, I plan to hold some Sacred Dance Intensives with the purpose of training sacred dance teachers so others can finally properly teach the dances all over the world.

Many of us are standing at the end of an era. Our previous life situations are winding to a close and we are on the brink of stepping into new ones. It's an exciting time. A very open time... We are in the transitional zone right now. Ahead of us is the Unknown full of shimmering possibilities.


Splashing Waves of Real Love,