ENTERING A NEW LAND
haven't written one of these Updates for a very long time. Actually,
that's not entirely true.
I've written several of them; I just haven't posted them on the website.
The easiest way to describe the landscape I've been passing through
is in the form of a fable.....
T H EF
A B L E
For many years, I
was exploring the world on a sleek sailing ship, well stocked with an
abundance of provisions and laden with exotic and sacred treasures from
the distant corners of the world. Then in October 1995, my ship was
violently hit by a cataclysmic tempest, rendering it nearly inoperable.
The massive storm ripped me out of my matrix and blew away all connections
with the destination I had been following. The severance was nearly
For the next year
or so, I floated about aimlessly with shredded sails, broken heart and
a smashed compass. Then from 1997 through 1999 in my weakened and vulnerable
state, I was pulled into a current which led me to an unfriendly and
rather ominous part of the ocean where I got attacked again and again
by a ragtag assortment of pirates and sea monsters. Miraculously, I
actually survived this, until my ship finally broke apart and sank in
a yet another typhoon.
For the next
few years, I clung to a fragment of the mast and drifted with the swirling
currents, uncertain if I would survive. I had little energy to do anything
but hold onto the broken mast and try not to be swept away.
At last, a
surging sea threw me upon a distant shore. I didn't know where I was
and didn't really care where I was. At times, I wasn't even sure that
I was alive. I felt half dead, weary, weakened, battered and numb.
For a long
time, I simply lay there in the sand, wearing the tattered remnants
of my formerly beautiful robes, mere shreds of cloth which offered little
protection from the elements. When it rained; I was wet. When the sun
poured down relentlessly; I was burned. My only companions were two
ancient temple cats who had miraculously ridden out the journey with
me, but died soon after. I had no shelter, no protection, no direction.
My skin was
pierced with broken arrows and unhealed wounds from the many battles
I had been through. Stripped down to the core, I was without any artifice...
confidence... hope.... I felt everything without any filters of personality.
I became the sand on the beach; became everything and became nothing.
Very little mattered anymore... and this was good.
realized that I had to get up off the sand, that I had to make my way
to a shelter somewhere, that I had to surround myself with a heightened
energy field in which I could breathe and heal. Although I had little
energy to make any movement, I knew that if I didn't, I would soon die.
You know how
in a blizzard that people often just want to lie down and go to sleep
in the snow? Well, that's how I felt lying in that sand. I really didn't
want to move. I didn't want to breathe; it all took too much effort.
When I was absolutely still, I could merge with everything and no movement
was required; I could just gently rock in the hammock of Oneness. The
only problem was that if I stayed there in my state of suspended animation,
that I wouldn't be alive much longer. And something in me wasn't quite
ready to leave this world.
It took a massive
effort to stand up. My feet weren't used to walking and my muscles were
weak. And there was such a pull to lie back down. So, back down I'd
go.....into the all enveloping silence. So deep.... After awhile, I'd
make myself stand again, or if I couldn't do that, I'd crawl along the
beach, uncertain of my destination, yet knowing that I must get there.
All year long,
I've been crawling along the sand until it got to the point where I
could stand and walk unhindered for short distances. All year long,
I've been absolutely focused on my destination, on finding that shelter
and creating a calibration in which I could live and be healed. This
is why I couldn't do anything else, for these efforts have taken all
my focus and effort.
Being in a
year full of rerouting and repositioning opportunities has greatly helped.
In April, the Montana lodge finally sold. I didn't make any money from
the sale, but it's a huge completion for which I'm extremely grateful,
as I'm also grateful for the huge lessons I learned from that experience.
In June, asleep
in my bed in the middle of the night, I was bitten on my heart by a
four inch long centipede. This was a manifestation of one of my biggest
fears and a great initiation which helped set me free.
months of June, July and August, I finally came through the birth tunnel
and emerged into my new land. For a month, I was even in limbo between
houses. It took a combination of many elements: wild miracles, divine
intervention, focused intent and the help of others who came through
when least expected, but most needed. I am finally here.....
In the middle
of August, I moved into a house on the island of Kauai and am finally
setting up an energetic field in which I can be healed, nourished and
create. My nervous system is aligning with a resonance where it feels
at peace. I'm finally fully unpacking and getting settled for the first
time in five years.
ago, I read stories about life on the remote atolls in the Pacific Ocean.
These fragile, tiny islands are particularly vulnerable when they are
hit by hurricanes. The islanders would tie themselves and their families
and animals to palm trees when a hurricane came. While being barraged
by the storm, they could hear the snapping off of palm trees. When the
eye of the storm came, they could finally look around and see who was
left. And then the second half of the storm would hit....
This is how
I feel. I'm finally in a position where I can take a look around me
and see what has survived the storms. I can take stock of what is left
and decide where to go from here.
For many years,
I've been in a state of retreat. I've been an island living on an island.
I feel that after my long hermit phase, when I fully emerge from my
self imposed silence, I will have a lot to say and do, but it will be
on a totally new level.
Behind my house
is a wild gulch which is a powerful river of Chi. For the first time
since 1995, I am being healed inside and out. My feet are finally getting
better and extra weight is dropping off. My confidance and a deep sense
of trust are emerging. My new matrix is becoming stronger and more expanded
each day. My house and gardens are filled with beauty and give me such
a serenity that I wake up each day overflowing with gratitude.
The funny thing
is that I don't regret my shipwreck or the years spent lying on the
sand half dead. It was probably the best thing that could have happened
to me. It has made me more real than I could possibly imagine. It has
seared off the dross, the superficial, the illusion, the false dreams.
Yes, I'm still in the healing and renewal stage, but I don't carry the
hurts within my cells. I certainly don't see myself as a victim. Looking
back on my long and arduous journey, I have to admire the perfection
of each step along the way.
It was an undeniably
powerful and intense initiation, a cleansing to be sure, a scouring
of my being. I have changed so deeply that I can't yet see who I am
in the process of becoming. But when my new, much truer Self fully emerges,
it will be a glorious new day!
Just when I've
made this bold leap into the New and Unknown, my two best selling books,
"11:11" and "The Star-Borne", have gone out of print.
This knocks out my main source of income at a critical time. Since I
really don't want to be a publisher anymore, I'm in the process
of finding the right agent and publisher. Right now, the Surf Report
subscriptions are keeping me somewhat afloat. (Thank you dear subscribers.)
It's a bit scary and it's also very exciting.
is a mammoth task. Now I understand why we didn't activate 6th Gate
this year. It will be so much stronger next year when we have fully
emerged. I also realize that the 11:11 is transforming as well. It has
moved to a much larger scale. And in order for us to continue our journey
through the Doorway of the 11:11, we must do it together as One. The
weight and responsibility for maintaining its integrity and organizing
the Gate Activations can no longer be put solely on me.
All year long,
I've been letting go of the past, of the trauma of the shipwreck years
and the residue of my glory years as well, letting go of yearnings for
lost loves, letting go of my preferences and old identity. Staying open
and undefined. I'm not in a hurry to put labels on myself; I'd rather
just allow myself to emerge in an unhurried, organic manner.
And it feels