On the Dingle Peninsula in Ireland last March.
October 22, 2003:
ENTERING A NEW LAND
I haven't written one of these Updates for a very long time. Actually, that's not entirely true.
I've written several of them; I just haven't posted them on the website.
The easiest way to describe the landscape I've been passing through is in the form of a fable.....
T H EFor many years, I was exploring the world on a sleek sailing ship, well stocked with an abundance of provisions and laden with exotic and sacred treasures from the distant corners of the world. Then in October 1995, my ship was violently hit by a cataclysmic tempest, rendering it nearly inoperable. The massive storm ripped me out of my matrix and blew away all connections with the destination I had been following. The severance was nearly total.
For the next year or so, I floated about aimlessly with shredded sails, broken heart and a smashed compass. Then from 1997 through 1999 in my weakened and vulnerable state, I was pulled into a current which led me to an unfriendly and rather ominous part of the ocean where I got attacked again and again by a ragtag assortment of pirates and sea monsters. Miraculously, I actually survived this, until my ship finally broke apart and sank in a yet another typhoon.
For the next few years, I clung to a fragment of the mast and drifted with the swirling currents, uncertain if I would survive. I had little energy to do anything but hold onto the broken mast and try not to be swept away.
At last, a surging sea threw me upon a distant shore. I didn't know where I was and didn't really care where I was. At times, I wasn't even sure that I was alive. I felt half dead, weary, weakened, battered and numb.
For a long time, I simply lay there in the sand, wearing the tattered remnants of my formerly beautiful robes, mere shreds of cloth which offered little protection from the elements. When it rained; I was wet. When the sun poured down relentlessly; I was burned. My only companions were two ancient temple cats who had miraculously ridden out the journey with me, but died soon after. I had no shelter, no protection, no direction.
My skin was pierced with broken arrows and unhealed wounds from the many battles I had been through. Stripped down to the core, I was without any artifice... confidence... hope.... I felt everything without any filters of personality. I became the sand on the beach; became everything and became nothing. Very little mattered anymore... and this was good.
Finally, I realized that I had to get up off the sand, that I had to make my way to a shelter somewhere, that I had to surround myself with a heightened energy field in which I could breathe and heal. Although I had little energy to make any movement, I knew that if I didn't, I would soon die.
You know how in a blizzard that people often just want to lie down and go to sleep in the snow? Well, that's how I felt lying in that sand. I really didn't want to move. I didn't want to breathe; it all took too much effort. When I was absolutely still, I could merge with everything and no movement was required; I could just gently rock in the hammock of Oneness. The only problem was that if I stayed there in my state of suspended animation, that I wouldn't be alive much longer. And something in me wasn't quite ready to leave this world.
It took a massive effort to stand up. My feet weren't used to walking and my muscles were weak. And there was such a pull to lie back down. So, back down I'd go.....into the all enveloping silence. So deep.... After awhile, I'd make myself stand again, or if I couldn't do that, I'd crawl along the beach, uncertain of my destination, yet knowing that I must get there.
All year long, I've been crawling along the sand until it got to the point where I could stand and walk unhindered for short distances. All year long, I've been absolutely focused on my destination, on finding that shelter and creating a calibration in which I could live and be healed. This is why I couldn't do anything else, for these efforts have taken all my focus and effort.
Being in a year full of rerouting and repositioning opportunities has greatly helped. In April, the Montana lodge finally sold. I didn't make any money from the sale, but it's a huge completion for which I'm extremely grateful, as I'm also grateful for the huge lessons I learned from that experience.
In June, asleep in my bed in the middle of the night, I was bitten on my heart by a four inch long centipede. This was a manifestation of one of my biggest fears and a great initiation which helped set me free.
During the months of June, July and August, I finally came through the birth tunnel and emerged into my new land. For a month, I was even in limbo between houses. It took a combination of many elements: wild miracles, divine intervention, focused intent and the help of others who came through when least expected, but most needed. I am finally here.....
In the middle of August, I moved into a house on the island of Kauai and am finally setting up an energetic field in which I can be healed, nourished and create. My nervous system is aligning with a resonance where it feels at peace. I'm finally fully unpacking and getting settled for the first time in five years.
Several years ago, I read stories about life on the remote atolls in the Pacific Ocean. These fragile, tiny islands are particularly vulnerable when they are hit by hurricanes. The islanders would tie themselves and their families and animals to palm trees when a hurricane came. While being barraged by the storm, they could hear the snapping off of palm trees. When the eye of the storm came, they could finally look around and see who was left. And then the second half of the storm would hit....
This is how I feel. I'm finally in a position where I can take a look around me and see what has survived the storms. I can take stock of what is left and decide where to go from here.
For many years, I've been in a state of retreat. I've been an island living on an island. I feel that after my long hermit phase, when I fully emerge from my self imposed silence, I will have a lot to say and do, but it will be on a totally new level.
Behind my house is a wild gulch which is a powerful river of Chi. For the first time since 1995, I am being healed inside and out. My feet are finally getting better and extra weight is dropping off. My confidance and a deep sense of trust are emerging. My new matrix is becoming stronger and more expanded each day. My house and gardens are filled with beauty and give me such a serenity that I wake up each day overflowing with gratitude.
The funny thing is that I don't regret my shipwreck or the years spent lying on the sand half dead. It was probably the best thing that could have happened to me. It has made me more real than I could possibly imagine. It has seared off the dross, the superficial, the illusion, the false dreams. Yes, I'm still in the healing and renewal stage, but I don't carry the hurts within my cells. I certainly don't see myself as a victim. Looking back on my long and arduous journey, I have to admire the perfection of each step along the way.
It was an undeniably powerful and intense initiation, a cleansing to be sure, a scouring of my being. I have changed so deeply that I can't yet see who I am in the process of becoming. But when my new, much truer Self fully emerges, it will be a glorious new day!
Just when I've made this bold leap into the New and Unknown, my two best selling books, "11:11" and "The Star-Borne", have gone out of print. This knocks out my main source of income at a critical time. Since I really don't want to be a publisher anymore, I'm in the process of finding the right agent and publisher. Right now, the Surf Report subscriptions are keeping me somewhat afloat. (Thank you dear subscribers.) It's a bit scary and it's also very exciting.
Personal Freedom is a mammoth task. Now I understand why we didn't activate 6th Gate this year. It will be so much stronger next year when we have fully emerged. I also realize that the 11:11 is transforming as well. It has moved to a much larger scale. And in order for us to continue our journey through the Doorway of the 11:11, we must do it together as One. The weight and responsibility for maintaining its integrity and organizing the Gate Activations can no longer be put solely on me.
All year long, I've been letting go of the past, of the trauma of the shipwreck years and the residue of my glory years as well, letting go of yearnings for lost loves, letting go of my preferences and old identity. Staying open and undefined. I'm not in a hurry to put labels on myself; I'd rather just allow myself to emerge in an unhurried, organic manner.
And it feels very good.....
Splashing Waves of Aloha,
Solara
